Happy Birthday To Me (and Things you Learn in a Bar)

Today was my 31st birthday. Aside from my knees reminding me on the stairs this evening that I'm 31, I feel great! Lennie and I decided to treat ourselves to a nice burger and bottomless fries to mark this momentous occasion. We sat in the bar, and got some good people watching in... which brings me to the thrust of this post: sometimes you need to know when to stop talking on a first date.

Let me explain: while we were in the bar awaiting our food (which came out cold and had to be returned, so it took exponentially longer than normal), a couple came in to the bar who were in their late 20's or early 30's. It was very apparent that they were on a first date, as she launched in to loud commentary that included "I'm not really one to wear jeans, I hope that I'm not over dressed..." All seemed to be going well until I noticed that she never stopped shopping. Ladies, if there is one thing that I have heard over the years, it's that one of the ways to get a man is to listen and ask questions at least once in a while in the date. If nothing else, it gives you the chance to catch your breath and gaze into his beautiful eyes.

Alas, throughout our meal, I came up with a few sure-fire ways to tell that the date was not going well (note: I don't think that she picked up on these clues):

If you're telling your date that your gallbladder "literally rotted" and that you had to be on a funky diet for a month, you've gone too far.

When the waiter came by and asked if you wanted another drink (because you're only ordering drinks, not food), and your date doesn't order another drink (and makes a funny face like "save me!" to the waiter), perhaps you shouldn't order another drink either...

You should never tell your date that you've "gained a little date due to {insert excuse here}," but you're sure that you can "lose it in no time."

All of this was learned while we waited for our food, got cold burgers, returned said cold burgers, awaited new burgers, and enjoyed warm-ish burgers. I kind of wanted to have one of those dating interventions, where you played back the video of the date and told the daters where they went wrong... I wonder what it's like to be a waiter or waitress who has to watch first dates like this... do you get to say anything or try to bail the failing daters out?

Man, I do love people watching...