Dear Jessica...

Dear Jessica in South Carolina,
Please, please, please learn your e-mail address. It turns out that your e-mail address is not the same as mine. Yet, you seem to insist on continuing to give out my e-mail address as your address at every turn. Over the last 6+ months, I have consistently turned down birthday parties for your son's friends, declined to participate in your neighborhood's yard sale, and I really, really don't want to work as a classroom volunteer. In fact, I would like to say thank you for having my e-mail address published in your school's phone book as yours. It was delightful deleting 45 e-mails (do people really need to reply all?!) the other day.

Jessica, if you should choose to not learn your e-mail address, I will be forced to continue to reply to these e-mails stating that you did not receive the message, I will continue declining party invitations, and I will also continue deleting any accounts that you create (you didn't actually want to get a job from that job site, did you?). How you succeed at continually opening accounts with the wrong address (where you have to double enter your e-mail address) is beyond me....

Please Jessica, learn your e-mail address and stop giving mine out.

Sincerely,

Kermit Fan